It's a Twin Thing

When I reflect at the the end of the summer, I am quite sure that yesterday will be remembered as one of the best days of my Summer of 2011. Yesterday, one of our daughters received her first letter from her twin sister who is away at camp. The recipient of the letter has been writing to both of her sisters daily and had just come through her first meltdown of the summer when the realization that her sisters are gone hit fiercely and she missed them terribly. Somehow that twin telepathy thing got going and the letter arrived exactly when it needed to. My husband and I also received letters from that daughter yesterday, which we loved, but it was the letter from sister to sister/twin to twin that lit up our world.

Our twin daughters are two very distinct individuals who get a tremendous amount of love, support and companionship from one another. Our twin daughters attend different schools and different camps and in each case, the school and camp selected are just the right fit for that particular child. I have been questioned on this by several people with twins because it seems so unnecessarily complicated  and many twins derive strength from their togetherness. The thing is that though our daughters look very much alike to many people (not at all to us!), they couldn't be more different. There's no one-size-fits-all road map when it comes to twins, just like none exists for kids in general. Ultimately, you've just got to know your kids - our path works for us.

It's funny that people expect people who look alike to be alike. Our daughters take great pride in their differences and, in fact, each has been known not to pursue an interest she feels is already in her sister's realm. The fact that they each declared an interest in theater this year was actually a huge step for them! For a fun look at the world of twins, you might want to suggest that your young reader take a look at Grace Lin's Ling & Ting: Not Exactly the Same. Twins abound these days and it's a safe bet that your child goes to school with twins - this is the kind of book that will have them saying, "hey, it's just like A and B!" Never underestimate the importance of recognizing individuality!

Time Warp

One of our daughters is attending a performing and visual arts day camp for the summer, where campers declare a major area of concentration and a minor. Her major is musical theater. She will spend two hours every day learning theater techniques and preparing for the big performance at the end of the summer. On the first day, her instructor described the play they will be performing and our daughter, in turn, described it to us. It's a story about an old guy who, following a dream sequence, goes back in time to high school where he has another chance to deal with the cool kid, the nerd, the mean girls, etc. The old guy returns to his high school days in the 80s and each scene is highlighted by a song from the era; songs like Footloose and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Were you paying attention there? This old guy goes back to the 80s. Wait a minute! I was in high school in the 80s! I'm not that old, am I?! Kids have such a funny perspective when it comes to aging and so their parents; totally divergent.

I had a similar "hold your horses" moment (an expression my dad used to use that always struck me as an old person's saying, even when he was my age!) when I read some of my favorite books written for middle grade readers that were set during my childhood and are considered works of historical fiction. Gary Schmidt's Okay For Now, set in the late 60s, and Rebecca Stead's When You Reach Me, set in the late 70s, come to mind. I find it bewildering that my childhood is now far enough in the past to be fodder for historical fiction. Surely I'm not that old! Shouldn't historical fiction focus on the very olden days? Of course, there were no cellphones, Internet, Facebook, Twitter, or BBMing in the days of my childhood and when you consider the changes to the technological landscape alone, it's easy to consider those days olden.

For a real glimpse into history, consider Jimi: Sounds Like a Rainbow, A Story of the Young Jimi Hendrix, an advanced picture book written by Gary Golio and illuistrated by Javaka Steptoe. What an interesting glimpse in the visually artistic and truly talented kid who grew into a legend and, many would say, the greatest electric guitarist of all time. The illustrations are key to getting a true sense of the musician as an artist and the text is fascinating and inspiring. Gary Golio writes children's books about legendary musicians and artist like Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, and John Coltrane. Parents who want to share their love of music and insight into musicians with their kids should check these out.

Baggage

If you happened to read yesterday's post, then you know that two of our daughters are now away at sleepaway camp. Their packing choices speak volumes about their adolescent development and respective stages. The packing for one child was a tribute to minimalism. She followed the packing list with almost no deviation at all, fit everything into two duffle bags, with room to spare, and three plastic drawers, which all the kids bring to camp these days because there never seems to be enough shelf space (of course, the cabins don't have enough space to accommodate all the plastic drawers the campers bring but that's another story altogether). She had nothing to carry by hand other than the requisite backpack, which, in her case, was light as could be. Her duffles and drawers fit easily into the SUV that we rented for the drive up to camp.

Enter her older sister. She used to pack the very same way. Those days are gone. In the days leading up to this year's departure for camp, her stuff covered every available square inch of our family room. I went out to pick up the last thing she was sure she needed about 25 times. Her two duffle bags were bursting at the seams (she admitted to getting blisters when she tried to zipper them shut) and she filled 4 drawers rather than 3. It was still not enough. She had 2 fans, 2 chairs, a tennis racket, a sleeping bag and more that just wouldn't fit. She insisted she wasn't bringing any more than she had in prior years. Seriously, any fool could see that she was taking way more - but this fool couldn't figure out what was taking up all the space. I had her remove a few items to make a little additional room, all the while wondering how we'd ever fit everything into one car. She removed a towel, a few fancier-than-necessary tops and her tennis racket. We schlepped it all to the car and enlisted the help of our very clever doormen who miraculously managed to squish in every last bit and then tied the various pieces together and to the car itself.

When we got the kids up to camp, I helped them unpack. The minimalist was unpacked with ease. There was a space for everything. When I moved down the row of cabins to see her older sister, I was stumped anew. I still couldn't figure out what she had packed, much less where we would put it all. And then out came a big case of makeup, a big bag of hair products and perfume, a bunch of crazy outfits for wacky dress up nights and a bunch of pretty outfits for other nights - all this from the luggage of a kid who is not even remotely a princess in her city life! Then I saw some of her friends unpacking similarly ridiculous items. Everything was unpacked with the seemingly clear understanding among a gaggle of teenage girls that it was all to be shared. That's when I realized that the crazy packing had been planned by committee - each camper agreeing to do her part by bringing an ample supply of "stuff" to share with the group. At this point, these girls have been going to camp together for the last 6 years and their friendships have transcended the summer camp experience. They are life friends that plan all year long for their summer together. The "stuff" they bring is part and parcel of a master plan. I can't lie, I still teased her about the insanity of her packing (which was completely outdone, mind you, by at least one of her bunk mates and probably more) but it was good-natured and light-hearted and based in understanding as well as appreciation of the strength and importance of the bonds of camp friendships. Sometimes the best a mom can do is help find a place for "stuff" rather than dwell on and question the necessity of it all. At the end of the day, all I really want from the summer is that each of my kids has the greatest experience possible and if it takes some makeup, a few cute tops and 9 pairs of shoes to do it, then I can show my support by taking a hammer out of my bag (true story: I brought a hammer and nails!) and start giving her some extra hooks and shelving.

In the early days of this blog, I read and loved Mary Roach's Packing for Mars, which I heartily endorse once again. Mary Roach has a unique way of making science hysterically funny and readable. This is a quick read that happens to be one of my favorite non-fiction adult books.

The post also brings to mind a fun children's picture book that was a Kindergarten - Second Grade Book of the Year finalist for the Children's Choice Book Awards in 2009. Check out Sort it Out! by Barbara Mariconda, illustrated by Sherry Rogers. Just a hint - the main character is Packy the Packrat and his mother has had enough!

Tearful goodbyes

Yesterday, we said our goodbyes to two of our daughters who will spend the next couple of months at sleepaway camp. We will visit them for one day in the middle of the session but, other than that, we rely on communication by letters (both email and snail mail these days) to stay in touch. Jeff and I grew up going to sleepaway camp, which, for each of us, was a formative, maybe even transformative, and positive experience. When our kids let us know, several years ago already, that they wanted to go to sleepaway camp, we knew that we'd miss them terribly and it would be difficult for us but we also knew we would not deny them this experience if that's what they wanted. So, over the last few days, I experienced what's become my annual anxiety, sadness, crankiness and craziness over the packing and the goodbyes. Saying goodbye to our kids when they assert their independence and go off to camp remains very difficult for me. For the first time, though, I held myself together and didn't cry.

One of our daughters has opted out of the sleepaway camp experience, preferring to do her own thing at a visual and performing arts day camp and sleep in her own bed every night. She started camp this morning. I took her to the bus where we exchanged our goodbyes until later and started to make my way to work. That's when the tears came. I wonder if they waited until each of our daughters got her summer underway. I think they were a mixture of sadness over the goodbyes and relief that everyone seemed to be doing what she wanted to be doing and maybe a little anxiety over not yet being 100% sure that each would be happy as can be with her choice. What can I say? For some of us, goodbyes just aren't easy and every goodbye packs a great deal of emotion and meaning.  I'm grateful that I will get a first hand report from one daughter tonight so I'll know exactly how things are going for her. As for the other two, I'll have to wait for the letters. Thankfully, when they write, our kids write awesome letters. And there's something to be said for that kind of thoughtful, written communication.

Apologies to my friend Evelyn who, I know, was hoping and expecting that this post would be about the insane amount of "stuff" our daughters brought with them to camp this summer. Our oldest daughter packed for herself and the volume is worthy of a post in and of itself. It took us several hours yesterday to find space in her cabin for everything she insisted she needed to bring. More on that another day...

Though I've already blogged about this one, a fun summer read for 1st through 5th graders (yes, the appeal is that broad) is Jarrett Krosoczka's Lunch Lady and The Summer Camp Shakedown, this year's winner of the Children's Choice Book Awards' 3rd-4th Grade Book of the Year. Another fun summer camp-related read is Jennifer and Matt Holm's Camp Babymouse. You can never go wrong with Babymouse or Lunch Lady comics!
    

Older middle graders and YA readers may want to concentrate on the goodbye theme and pick up a copy of Sarah Dessen's latest work, What Happened to Goodbye.

Meeting the friends

Last night, one of our daughters had a few school friends sleep over. The girls who came over were all new friends who our daughter only met this year so I didn't know them very well. It was important to our daughter that I get to know her new friends a little better so she asked me to make sure I'd be around to chat with them a bit. I confided to my colleagues at the office that I felt like I was being set up just a little because it's difficult to draw that line between being the parent who is engaged and engaging and the parent who wears out her welcome and mortifies her teenagers. My colleagues were exceptionally reassuring and I left work yesterday feeling up to the task. I prepared myself for the challenge ahead so much that I almost didn't know what to do with myself when I realized that there was no challenge at all. I realized that as long as you pay attention to your teenager, you can read their cues. I knew exactly when it was ok to enter a conversation and when it was time to exit. I'm not sure why the cues were so sharp and clear but I think it had a lot to do with the group assembled. It was a group of bright, beautiful, fabulous young ladies who exuded intelligence, authenticity, and mutual support. To feel that your child has chosen friends well at such a critical point in their lives is an outstanding sensation. Despite the fact that they yapped until nearly 4 am, which made the dog growl and keep me awake most of the night, I felt happy and peaceful. My daughter has found her people and they're good people. Of course, I also felt exhausted. Now, if only I could decipher the cues relating to those terrifying mood swings...

For girls, friendship is a sacred sisterhood. The latest installment in Ann Brashares' Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series, Sisterhood Everlasting, is now available. The Traveling Pants books (and movies) are well known and loved by today's young adults. Now they have a chance to see how Tibby, Lena, Carmen, and Bridget have grown up and how they come back together.

What I'm Reading Now

I used to to include a roundup of the books I am currently reading on a weekly basis and then stopped because it seemed a little self-indulgent. Lately, several people have mentioned that they enjoyed reading that section of my blog and hoped I'd resurrect it. Who am I to say no? Especially when there are so many great new books available and it so happens that I'm currently reading a few books that I am loving and excited to share. And here they are:

I can't honestly say "I'm reading" Prudence Wants a Pet, written by Cathleen Daly and illustrated by Stephen Michael King, because I read it this afternoon. It's one of the most delightful picture books to cross my desk in recent memory. My 12 year old daughters are sitting near me as I type this and reading it aloud to one another, delighting in it. Prudence wants a pet so badly that she's willing to consider anything - a branch, a twig, an old shoe, a tire. She's such a good sport! For a while anyway. If you have a 6 year old and a 12 year old, consider asking the 12 year old to read this to the 6 year old and then read Erica Perl's wonderful When Life Gives You OJ, also about a child who is desperate for a pet, on his or her own. Erica's book was selected as one of Amazon's Best Books for June and the honor is well deserved!

I am also currently reading ... wait for it ... The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente. Is that not the best title ever?! And though I've just started it, I have a feeling the rest of the book lives up to the awesomely high bar set by the outstanding title. The story makes me think of Alice in Wonderland with a little Peter Pan and a little Wizard of Oz but it's entirely its own unique creation. It's incredibly sophisticated and wickedly funny. I can't help but think it could make the most amazing movie. It's the story of a girl named September who lives in Omaha, Nebraska and has become bored with her life. When the Green Wind asks if she would like to come to Fairyland, September quickly says yes. Thus begins her adventure in the world of Fairyland, ruled by the fickle and childish Marquess. Only September can retrieve a talisman the Marquess wants from the enchanted woods, and if she doesn’t, the Marquess will make life impossible for September's new friends, the inhabitants of Fairyland. This might be a great book for a family with middle grade and older kids to read together. There's nothing childish or babyish about this book. I suspect that at points it will probably get a little dark. It's one of those fully immersible reading experiences.I'd like to wrap up this blog post quickly just so I can go read some more!

Finally, I am also reading The Tiger's Wife by Tea Obreht, not to be confused with Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. The Tiger's Wife is set in a war ravaged Balkan country and is the story of Natalia, a young doctor, who embarks on a mission of mercy to vaccinate children at an orphanage.At the beginning of her journey, she learns of the death of her grandfather and a veil of secrets. As she tries to unravel some of the mystery surrounding his death, she remembers the old stories her told her as a child and learns the story he never told her, the one that helps her uncover the answers she searching for. It's a beautifully written book, a compelling story and a meaningful tribute to Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book, a worn copy of  which the grandfather carried with him everywhere and read to Natalia from on their weekly trips to the zoo when she was younger.

What are you reading?

Have a mice day!

Our kids finished school over a week ago. One is taking a drama intensive at her school so she is gone all day. The other two are home. They both worked hard at school all year long and they start camp next week so they've dedicated the "intersession" to watching full seasons of television shows. They sit like the futuristic blobs from the movie Wall-E all day long - one on an old lounge chair she pulled out of storage and the other on a chair or couch and they move for food and bathroom breaks but that's about it. They are glued to the tube. To make sure they get a little fresh air and physical activity every day, they've agreed to take the dog out for walks. Today's walk was cut short by a mouse sighting - a ginormous mouse; maybe even a rat, a dead one. The girls let me know they came upon it, turned around and scurried back home. Then one of them let me know it was my fault. "It's Mama's Fault" is a regular game in our home - I only enjoy it because, most of the time, I get blamed for things that couldn't possibly be my fault, like leaving the toilet seat up. Here I was being blamed for a humongous dead rodent on the corner across the street from our home. So here's the funniest part - it kinda was my fault! I took the dog out for a walk early this morning, saw the dead critter, felt sickened by the sight and intended to warn my kids and husband it was there so everyone could avoid the gruesome corner at all cost. I forgot.

In honor of our newest neighbor, today's book pick is Marie LeTourneau and Danielle Reed Baty's The Mice of Bistrot des Sept Freres. I love the illustrations and French glossary in this book about a family of French mouse chefs and their cheese soup with its secret ingredient so much that I think I might even try the recipe! Oh la la!